Project Forgiveness

I sometimes find it very hard to accept what has happened to me and my life in the past 22 years. I wonder why at the age of 40 I was chosen to lose my husband and begin a decent into a black hole ( it took me 20 years to fall to the bottom) and now at age 62 I'm still trying to find my way out. My friend says it's our karma, that what is happening in our lives now is payback for what we did in previous' lives or for bad things we did in this life ( I don't recall ever doing anything really bad other than the usual childhood pranks).

Nothing in the past 22 years has ever come easy to me, and what I did accomplish and save was
lost during my first encounter with nearly dying. Now, having gone through something similar this past summer (nearly dying) I question even more why, why is life so hard for me and my loved ones?

I don't know if there is anyone out there who I need to ask forgiveness of, maybe there is and I'm just kidding myself. I'm not a perfect person, I've made my share of mistakes so if I have offended anyone recently or in the past I ask to be forgiven for those deeds.

I have a strong belief in G-d, I am a Jew who semi practices her religion. I
am proud to be Jewish and I truly believe that whatever happens in life is in G-d's hands.

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